27 April 2013 Cross country drives

Cross country drives

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windowOne of my particular favorite ways to travel is to take a cross country drive.  I love seeing the beauty of America and her people. Raised in a rural Arkansas town, I know that every person matters.  Yesterday was one of my favorite sort of days, a business trip to Atlanta required me to be present later in the afternoon, so there was time to drive.  I’m an avid automobile fan, and have driven subaru’s to volvo’s but the current girl is an ancient Volkswagon Cabrio…thirteen years old and named Vroomhilda.  It was the sort of day destined to put the top down and drive.

It is my pleasure to take in all the nuances of an area. In some ways it is all wide eyed wonder for me, though DSC_0897I no longer live in a rural town, people and places astonish me.  From farmer’s markets to fine arts theaters  I love each and every experience.  I am a creative, my world is focused through an aesthetic eye, so I am fueled by finding the beauty in everything.  Yesterday’s drive was full of lush and green and gorgeous. People and scenes simply feed my soul, and yesterday’s sunny perspective was lovely.  The farmer’s markets are opening in Alabama, farmer’s families are bringing their wares to sell in towns across the state.  Three hundred miles of places to stop, share, and tarry made the four hour trip more like six.  That’s part of the margin I like to build into my trip. I am never disappointed, listening to people’s stories take time, and they are always worth the effort. After all, we all have a story, and wouldn’t you prefer to have yours heard patiently?

Last night’s schedule included an author event that Theraderm skincare was sponsoring. I had the distinct pleasure of being introduced to the product and receive a sample pack of their skin care along with Office Candy and a few other fun products.  Theraderm is a company based in Northwest Arkansas, my old stomping grounds ,and they have been blessed with the presence of a new marketing officer that I respect and have worked alongside for over sixteen years. I happen to know that she is not an easy sell herself, so when she accepted this role, I knew the theradermsetproduct had to be worthwhile. I was not disappointed last night when I got back to the hotel room.  Theraderm sponsored a book party for Lost in Sub_6.20.inddnational syndicated columnist Tracy Beckerman who writes from Lost in Suburbia.  Tracy’s new book, Lost in Suburbia, is a great tale of what happens when smart women choose to “do the right thing’ and raise their children with the attitude that their own lives must be lost in the process.  A syndicated writer and at times, a stand up comedian, Tracy poignantly shares the truthful experiences that using a recipe for a life that doesn’t fit you brings you. Tracy was delightful, energetic, and more importantly very real. She was simply fun to be with and her yankee graciousness rivaled any belle’s any day. What a delight to know she is partnering with Dress for Success, a program to support at risk women returning to the workforce with a month’s supply of clothes. The Blo Beauty Bar was the perfect setting to gather women bloggers to share in the fun of a book launch! We won’t even discuss how much I loved the catering…but it was amazing.

There were many stories last night, the best one that a many rooms of people were sharing what it is like to parent. There was laughter, sharing, and a sense of community among strangers. Tracy has that effect on a crowd, from moment one you’re just part of us when she’s around, loved that. Working with authors and speakers, and doing many book launches a year with them, I appreciated that the focus of the night was in appreciating the guests and providing for their needs while having  fun  pictures taken with Tracy’s fans. That my friends, is how a book party should be. A national tour continues in Los Angeles next week, this week they have been in North Carolina, New York and Georgia. You’ll enjoy Tracy’s blog as well www.lostinsuburbia.com

The stories told yesterday ranged from the wisdom of an eighty year old farmer who had farmed the same land for sixty four years, the founder of Theraderm who grew up with six sisters and created a product to relieve his patients, at seventy has now received his first patent, to a New Jersey author who has harvested readers for most of her life.  This tapestry of traveling life always weaves vivid stories and experiences into my life, and for that I am thankful.

** This blog is free of sponsored posts, all opinions are my own**

signaturesweetie

Filed Under: A Simple Joy...Sweetie's Journal, Basics Matter Tagged With: , , , , , ,
25 April 2013 This Day…

This Day…

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312148_10150271862462916_689147915_7690137_859918_n Sometimes I believe that folks live in a scene much like the picture beside this.  They let someone else paint the picture of what their lives are to be. As children it is expected that our knowledge of what is best for us may not be experienced enough to choose wisely. After all, at three I would have thought Lucky Charms, Pop tarts  and  vegetable beef soup were the three preferred food groups, but at adulthood I have a different perspective.(not much different but I’ve traded in Pop-tarts for Good Earth’s Cheesecake and Lucky Charms for grilled halibut   Do you know what you wish for your daily life to look like? Do you know what the feel, flow, look, smell, community of your daily world would be if you had it the way you could manage it the happiest?

It’s worth taking time to think about.

In the last twelve months I’ve worked on a writing piece called the Discipline of Peace.  It has challenged me to explore just what I think and why. How I choose to experience the daily world around me and the way I plan for outcomes of each day and the future. As Brene’ Brown would encourage, you cannot ignore any part of your emotions. As a country girl, I understood the value of diligence and hard work, effort, and toil.  However somehow in my own “what’s best for me” thinking toil, self discipline, and effort were highly valued. Play, joy, delight were nice, but not really part of the planning process for daily outcomes.

Without the parts of living that encourage peace through joy, delight, provision of enough in all its phases, there are fewer outcomes worth doing.

Too often smart folks are being just plain dumb about taking care of their own life experiences, or more often, turning off their own needs to supposedly create more focus on outcomes of things other than their own daily life. Have you drawn water from a dry well lately? It’s not terribly effective. As a child I knew that to draw water from the well, the best solution was prime the pump then share the water. Have you been living a life of work effort without priming the your own life needs pump?

Guilty as charged.

This past year as I intentionally sought to add delight into my daily existence to add peace at a different level in my living I found a few interesting experiences along the way.  God had been whispering to me “Delight in my provision….” for several months in my quiet reflection times and that said, I began to look for it…the delight. I am aesthetically driven, so often delight is in something visual, or a texture or pattern I enjoy, or a sound that brings energy. Here are a few of the delights I found when I stopped to realize they could be in my life many days a year:

A pair of birds regularly play outside my office window, I began to plan my breaks from writing to enjoy coffee when they came each early morning in the spring.

I gave away all pens/pencils/writing tools that were not enjoyable to work with. I write by hand as well on the keyboard hours per day five days a week, I delight in some tools, others were literally painful to use. One day I went and bought 24 of my favorite tool in colors I love to use. What a daily joy for many months.

I love fountains and I have made a habit of having pictures with VIP’s  of my heart IN the fountains at the end of shoots, projects, and fun times together.  It is a delight to do the unexpected and doing it more often has created amazing experiences and memories.

I really stopped and thought about what would make my office environment work more pleasantly for my time spent there. After I identified what was needed it was as though the order list went viral. The things needed simply became available. A desk from a friend that was more in line with my desk usage, wall art that draws me in and energizes my peace, even curtains that blocked the brightest part of the day. All within days of truly taking time to identify what is needed to make each day better.

Each day I looked for five things that delighted me throughout the day. It was hard at first, simply because I hadn’t formerly thought that delight was a part of a normal day. My gratitude index for “delight” was low and without value for it I rarely noticed or looked for it. It was there all along, I simply didn’t have it on my radar.

I’d like to say the change was about slowing down, making the tranquil scene of a life lived well. ..but I’m more a hot mess of happening. Multiple teenagers who call me mom, a husband who travels to third world countries,  six dogs who go with the children, a career that I love that may take me to a shooting in Nashville one day and New York to work on a book with another client another day and back to softball parent’s night another. Learning to instill peace in my busy life is simply about learning to beat peace internally whatever the situation.  I understand that my life is not going to be slow, still, or often terribly orderly, but I can paint my life in peace through taking care of my own needs, creating boundaries and margins, so I can fully support others needs.  That is the life I choose to paint into my scene of living…and on the difficult days, the canvas may need to be covered and began again, but if it is my masterpiece that is part of the process. This is your life, your masterpiece, you have permission to paint it whatever way works for you!

What delights you? When does it happen? What is something you do for yourself daily that delights you?

signaturesweetie

Filed Under: A Simple Joy...Sweetie's Journal Tagged With: , , ,
24 April 2013 What are you thinking?

What are you thinking?

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Sweetie's Journal Each of us bring our past perspectives and experiences into each new experience. In some ways having experiences in the past can beautifully prepare us to have the next experience feel familiar when we are faced with similar circumstances again.  Sounds lovely doesn’t it? Perhaps you’ve done a task to completion and because you’ve done it over and over again in your past, you expect it to turn out the same way you’ve experienced.  Sounds doable doesn’t it….right up to the place where what you experienced in the past was pain, hurt, or perhaps failure. Too often we learn to rewrite what is currently happening and insert what we fear, have experienced in failure, or humiliation into the current situation.

Uh oh.

What we think about we often bring about. Our thoughts, our immersion into what we truly believe, herds our actions like a shepherd minding sheep.  If we believe we will always be embarrassed, our brain sends out subconscious directions to do something to make that thought action true. You see, if no one else will, our bodies will obey our mind.  Our self talk is so important.  Perhaps you once struggled with giving a keynote address. It was new at the time, it was a first time to do so, and it went well, but it was s c a r e y.  Now we fast forward you 20 years.  Each new speech you’re replaying in your head “I am going to mess up, I’ll forget my lines, or I will make a goose of myself”  instead of “this is so fun, really enjoy watching the audience, and you know things happen, but I always recover”  what is the message that your mind has to fulfill to be congruent with what you are thinking?

Thinking 101 right?

Whether a beginner or an experienced human, our thoughts discipline is so important.  What we say to ourselves and others matter.  The perspective we choose to engage in our self talk and inner thoughts matter as much as our words to others.  What are you saying? What are you expecting? What are you rehearsing in your mind to happen in your life? Do you visualize your outcomes? Do you think through what you want a day, moment, or experience to look like, feel like, experience?  Too often we rewrite in our minds what our current experience is.  A client of mine called last week and shared that she was a failure with an editor.  I asked why.  Her perception was that since a manuscript had been sent back twice for additional work she was not a writer.  In the past a former boss had said her writing skills were hopeless, that she needed work, so when the current book publisher’s editor suggested a minor edit, she applied the former boss’s words to the situation.  The truth was that the current edits requested were minor and the very fact this publishing house had contracted her said she was in their eyes a brilliant writer.

What stories are you rewriting in your current experience?

Our experiences shape our responses to current situations, but often our experience is not valid for the new situation. Are you keeping up to date on who you are? Have you taken time to stop and think through all the wonderful examples of your skill sets? Do you give yourself supportive credit for the work and efforts you have accomplished? If there is an area of difficulty are you taking time to fairly take into account why that may be difficult?

A friend of mine recently asked why she was so incapable of keeping up with her  professional writing the way she supposed I do.  I had to laugh, this friend has two babies under 4, a full time role as homeschool mother of two primary school children, a farm that she is responsible for many of the daily chores for, and has not a mother’s helper or virtual assistant to help handle the things they might could to allow her time to write.  I explained that in my world, I am up most days  at 4:30-7, five days a week,  so I can write privately without interruption. That I have chosen to recognize that when big deadlines are looming it is best for me to take a day at a local hotel to work without interruption one to two days a project. That my still at home children are 16 and 19 now, and their father and I have made this arrangement to allow all of us to have less stress when deadlines loom.  I learned early on as a writer that my family time is my family’s but there are times that it is emotionally and financially advantageous for me to simply exit our space to complete work that requires my full attention with a client. I do not pretend I can complete hard deadlines without the time to do so.  It was as though a lightbulb came on in her eyes….”you mean it’s not that I am not disciplined enough, it’s that I am overscheduled?” You see, figuring out what works for you is personal, it’s not magic fairy dust, and you cannot fit 50 hours of work into naptime that only lasts an hour a day.

Exactly.

What are you expecting of yourself? What are you expecting of others? What mental rehearsals are you playing in your thoughts? Have you tried putting steps on paper for preparation? We often over think what succeeding will take or we under consider what tasks are needed to have ease and comfort in our lives. Sometimes we repeat mistakes because we have not discovered that we have set up unrealistic chances for success by ignoring what is needed to succeed.

When I first came home I believed cleaning our kitchen would take 45 minutes. If you saw my kitchen in those days you’d think 45 years, bu that’s another story. However it turned out that about 10 minutes after a meal, dishes would be loaded, the counter wiped down, and the floor onced over with a broom if needed.   t e n  m i n u t e s.  In my mind I never had time for that, despite the fact I prefer my kitchen to be clean. My friend Angela Belford would come to visit and during her stay my kitchen would magically stay clean, I could not figure it out, but one day she said “when I figured out it takes 10 minutes after each meal, I so figured out it was worth it to have a clean kitchen. ” I agreed, it is WAY worth 10 minutes a day after meals to walk into a kitchen that is spiffy throughout the day or after a long day somewher else.  When I actually timed what it took I found that my thinking was way off.  What areas of your life is your thinking  perception clouding your present truthful experience? Personally one of my hard held favorites is that chocolate has no calories or effect on my waistline. My experience and the current evidence of my reality is different, but it’s a thought I have long held as a belief. :)

The media, our past, even sometimes our friends inject their experience into our present situation, but my friends my request is this….is what you are telling yourself, being told, or experiencing YOUR experience or someone else’s who doesn’t live inside you (or perhaps doesn’t live there anymore). You’re capable, you have lived a life with many experiences, lessons, and opportunities to learn.  Are you experiencing what is happening right now in your life, or are you letting the lines of your story be written by someone else or even your own past, not who you are today,right now?

Become aware, take inventory, what are you thinking? How are your thoughts affecting your current experience?

What are you thinking?

signaturesweetie

Filed Under: A Simple Joy...Sweetie's Journal
23 April 2013 Listening in and tuning out

Listening in and tuning out

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Sweetie's JournalIt seems to me that most folks are at least versed in the concept of listening respectfully to others and hearing without interruption what they say.  At least that is what I was taught to do as a child. However, I’m guilty as sin of tuning out what my heart, body, and spirit may be saying to me, especially if I am on task mode.  You know the moments. The deadline is nearing and there’s no time for lunch. The stomach department grumbles at first and a little later sends an ugly memo to the esophagus.  Or the time you just don’t have space to pack the comfy shoes and the feet department waives a few flags about impending blistering but you simply don’t open that email.

Who are you listening to and what are you tuning out?

Our bodies and internal dialogues are built to tell us when life is going well, when fuel or rest is needed and to warn us when we are engaging in activities that may cause difficulty for us. However, in the name of discipline, workmanship, and a hundred other shallow excuses, we too often forget that experiences such as ease, comfort,  play, restoration and support also bring their strength to this project called life.

Have you listened to your body lately?

Is your heart telling you something quietly that you’re ignoring?

Are you engaging in activities/relationships that simply cause civil wars in your spirit?

Real time media and the over use of electronics has created opportunities to self sabotage your health and productivity at a whole new level. Like many things in life, if over used, the intended purpose of tools are lost and abuse begins.   The saddest part is when explored, often the abuser is someone we work entirely too hard without listening to their warnings or the clues that adjustments on process need to be made. Ourselves.

Where is your ease in your daily life?

What do you do to support your body’s optimum health?

When do you listen to the clues your mind and heart are whispering to you about how you treat it?

Why is it important to do a “think check” as David Cooper would say before ignoring or engaging next steps?

signaturesweetie

 

Filed Under: A Simple Joy...Sweetie's Journal Tagged With: , , ,
22 April 2013 Choosing Presence

Choosing Presence

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Have you considered that most of the meaningful moments of our lives happen in less than three minutes? I would dare to say that most of the ones in my life have been contained in less than a 30 second moment.  That moment where a child looks across a room to see  if you were looking , the moment you received the award, the way your eyes lock onto a beautiful view.  Deeply meaningful, but often less than one minute in its entirety. Doesn’t that just solidify the concept of joy in the journey? Most of us plan for time to work, time to get groceries, and time to get our hair appointment in, but how many of us are choosing presence with the ones we care about in our lives.  Often I work from a home office, I chose this life as a business owner so I could do just that as my teenagers spend their final years in our home.  It is easy, however, to forget that they are the reason I am present working from this home if I am not careful.  I choose to be up early before they are up for my writing time, for a variety of productive reasons, but the most important one is that in the early a.m. I want to be fully present when they  are first waking up and shuffling into the kitchen.  I choose to be present in their lives, to start their days with them in a calm way.

When do you choose presence? Who and what are you willing to put down the phone, look up from your computer or device, or walk from whatever it is to be fully present with who is before you? Do you wait until it’s time to go to the funeral gathering, the celebration, or an extreme moment, or are you choosing to be fully present in the relationship as you go?

Real time media can lure us into a falso sense of intimacy. We can multitask and not even engage who we are texting.  One of the reasons I appreciate the team and the friends I work with is that we as a team believe that people matter more.  It’s a simple phrase that I repeat to myself when life gets busy.  ”People matter more…”  than deadlines, than finishing the three weeks from now post, than anything that is before me.

I choose presence.  I want those I love to know they matter.  It’s an ongoing part of choosing peace in my life, to choose to be fully present with the people before me. Whether it is a stranger who smiles at me in the subway, or a farmer who shares with me how he has planted fields for 60 years in the same fields, the riches of engaging fully with whomever God puts before me, is a blessing that requires me to choose to be fully present…even if it only takes 30 seconds.

signaturesweetie

 

Filed Under: Monday moments...
21 April 2013 The Weekend…

The Weekend…

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A Simple Joy   This weekend has been filled with happy times and joyful moments.  Our youngest daughter had her first art show as part of her instructor, Jackie Goode Briscoe’s , class.  Being Southern girls, we knew that the Friday night reception meant at least two days of fun preparations. Nails were done, because after all, an artist’s toes must be manicured right? We are homeschooling Miss Madison, so part of the fun was knowing that this was an “event” that would be fun to prepare for.  We tried out wardrobe the entire afternoon, but like the eclectic artist she is, star jeans became the fashion of the day. I love that about my daughter, she is so not ruled by convention, she came as her own person. She loves the formal party dresses she has, and we tried them all, but in the end, she went as herself.  Brilliant. For you see, she has the message…”I am enough.”…and that may be the masterpiece her stepfather and I , as well as her other Mom and father have for so long worked to paint into all four of our children’s lives and hearts.

The weekend was simply a series of joyful moments, the local Farmer’s Market opened which is a family treat each weekend. Later we all gathered and had couch time for Les Miserables at home with homemade pizza and a fire on an unexpectedly chilly day. Saturday night the big brother took the little sister far away from her art show glory back to the ball field where they worked on her skills for next week. Another framed moment as they left to go to the practice walking hand in hand.

Home is a place I love. It’s a messy life, a messier kitchen, but in this home of our hearts, we work on loving what is…and there is much to love in each of us.

signaturesweetie

Filed Under: A Simple Joy...Sweetie's Journal
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